Today was my little girls first day of 'big girl' school.
She was so very excited, jumping up and down for joy. She couldn't wait to put on her uniform, get her book bag, and go.
I, however, was feeling extremely overwhelmed, scared and also a bit sad. Because this is the start. The start of growing up and not needing me as much. The start of her really gaining independence.
I am worried that she'll get bullied like I was. And I just hope that she sticks up for herself like I've taught her, and hope she takes no shit from anyone, especially boys! All I can do is make sure I back her up against anyone who stands against her. Friends. Boys. Teachers. The whole school. I will have her back, just like my parents SHOULD have had mine!
She's been going to nursery since she was one, after lockdown, I thought it was important that she was surrounded by her peers, making friends and having fun. She's absolutely loved going to nursery, she went 3 days a week for 6 hours. I should feel no different dropping her off to school.
But for some reason school feels so different. I don't know whether it's the uniform or that everything is more formal now. She looks like such a big girl in her uniform. She doesn't look like a 4 year old anymore. Maybe it's just me but even her LAUGH sounds different. More grown up. She no longer has her baby face or baby features.
Everything is going to change for her and for me.
Don't get me wrong I am soooo proud of the wonderful lady she is becoming. Sooo proud of how smart, loving and kind she is. She's developing her own personality and it's hilarious. She is a true credit to me. She completes me and I wouldn't change her for the world!!!!
Nevertheless, I thought I'd have more time. More time for her to be little. 4 years doesn't seem like enough anymore. From this day forward she's only going to become more independent. More grown up. Less childish or imaginative. I know she can't stay my baby forever, but that doesn't mean I can't resent how fast it goes.
"It's funny how day by day nothing changes, but then you look back and everything has changed" - unknown.
I absolutely begrudge Facebook memories. You do not realise how much can change in a year or two. You won't believe how much older, grown up and more mature your child becomes within a year or two.
We all know that time goes by too fast, however, I believe that when you have children it goes even faster, whilst feeling like time isn't going anywhere at all.
Enjoy your time with your little ones, because they won't stay little for long.
But also recognise that children are here to push our buttons, cross our boundaries and to also annoy us. They make us realise our triggers, our behaviour, our childhoom trauma, and they make us want to be better. To become better parents and better people. To provide a better upbringing. To better the world for them!
It's okay to feel like your kids are arseholes, 9x out of 10 they are!
Even so, expressing this can take the weight off massively. Talking to other mums about what's going on, can make you feel less lonely and less isolated!
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